Chapter 12 Gendered Lives

Wood begins this chapter with the definition and explanation of gendered violence. She defines it as "physical,emotional, sexual and visual brutality." I agree with this definition because it covers every facet of gendered violence. It does not have to be just physical or sexual but emotional and visual as well. Ways that gendered violence is enacted is through gender intimidation, sexual assault, sexual harassment, genital mutilation, and the normalization of violence in the media.

Gender intimidation is the when members of one sex are treated in ways that make them feel vulnerable, unsafe, or humiliated because of their sex. This can occur in public spaces or in private homes. I've seen many movies on television that have perpetuated this form of gender violence through male characters harassing and asserting their dominance over characters of the opposite sex.


Sexual assault is any sexual activity that happens without the consent of either member involved. This includes rape. One in six women and one in thirty three men will be raped in their lifetimes! This statistic is incredible because I could not fathom that at any given time hundreds of millions of people walking among us have been raped. This vicious cycle will only stop once more people are made aware of what is actually happening.

Another section that I found very interesting was the myth or fact section. Some of the facts seemed to be obvious but some of the myths are common misconceptions which I find to be egregious! The one fact that stood out the most was the fact that more than 75% of rapes are committed by a person known to the victim! When most people think of a person being raped people think of a person at a club being drugged or at a party and being taken away by some person unbeknownst to the victim and being taken advantage of. I have had a friend that had taken advantage of a woman and I was disgusted. I have not seen or heard from him since but knowing that you can never know who your friends really are does hit home the fact that most rape victims know who the perpetrator is.


For more rape statistics visit https://www.rainn.org/statistics


Sexual harassment is something that has been joked and made fun about in all forms of media for a long time. This form of gendered violence is unwelcome verbal or non verbal behavior of a sexual nature that is linked to academic or professional standing. Most episodes from the beloved show " The Office" contains these sorts of occurances in almost episodes. Is this okay? Should we laugh at it? I have fallen victim having laughed at multiple instances where Michael Scott sexually harassed Pam Beasley. But after being exposed to this I understand that it is never okay to joke about.

Chapter 10 Gendered Organizational Communication

During this chapter Woods summarizes the different stereotypes that both men and women face. Usually one does not realize that they are using stereotypes to refer to or interpret others. Some typical stereotypes women face are being viewed as a sex object, mother, child, or iron maiden. All of these are demeaning and generalize women into these specific groups. On a daily basis everybody comes in contact with some form of gender stereotypes whether it is through the media or through a conversation. This embeds in us some form of feeling towards the stereotype and we tend to associate this with the group of people the stereotype was aimed towards.

 Personally, I have tried to refrain from the use of stereotypes but it is very hard to do so in a society that you are submersed in. Having strong relationships with women has opened my eyes to the types of stereotyping they face. My girlfriend often points out different advertisements in which females are being portrayed as sexual figures and I have since gotten into the habit of doing the same. Being aware of the issue is a large part of the problem.

Males also are generalized through stereotypes as well; some include: sturdy oak, fighter and breadwinner. These stereotypes are less common but nonetheless have similar effects. Stereotypes cause people to feel an added pressure to be a certain way and can potentially lead to issues with self-confidence and self-worth. The most common stereotype of them all is the breadwinner. Most people expect males to earn more and support the family but this stereotype devalues the efforts made by women and their contributions in the household.

In the affirmative action section I found the comments by the students to be very upsetting.

The “Johnson” character stated that “I've never done anything to discriminate against members of other races, so I don’t think I should have to step aside so they can have special advantages now. I don’t owe them anything, and I earned everything I've got.”  First this student must not be aware of something called “white privilege”.

White privilege is the privilege of not having to think about race while reaping benefits and being advantaged over other races due to the color of one’s skin. This person does not understand that he is in the position that he is in because of his race. He has the opportunity to have everything he has because of his race. Being a part of the in-group, one must have a moral obligation to ensure that those who are marginalized should receive the same kind of treatment regardless of the fact that direct discrimination did not take place by them. Because this person did not take place in racist acts does not change the fact that he is still benefiting from this societal structure that places a higher value and importance on white men.


 So to say that he owes members of oppressed groups nothing is incorrect and insensitive due to the fact that he is reaping the benefits of years of racism and the only way to remedy the situation would be to revoke the benefits and privileges bestowed upon him. A small way of doing so would be to support actions that attempt to bridge the gap of privilege.

I urge you all to check out this link for more examples of white privilege http://www.buzzfeed.com/michaelblackmon/17-harrowing-examples-of-white-privilege-9hu9#.hgyKwYpDX

Discussion Questions

How do you feel Affirmative Action to be bridging the gap between the marginalized and the ingroup?

How can Affirmative Action be changed to ensure that it is run properly and with more success?

How does it make you feel to hear stereotypes being applied to family members? Friends of the opposite sex? Friends?

Should the Quota system be changed? If so in which ways?

Gendered Lives Chapter 9- Gendered Close Relationships

This chapter discusses the differences in gendered close relationships. There are two models that show the differences in masculine and feminine orientation to close relationships. The first model is the male deficit model. This model works under the assumption that personal and emotional conversations are the basis of intimacy, which makes males less skilled in creating and maintaining personal relationships. This model is something that I completely disagree with.

First, I do not agree with the generalization of men due to the fact that some men are comfortable with self disclosure. Being able to express emotions should not be an indicator as to how well a male or a female is able to make and maintain close relationships. Second, should emotional sensitivity be the main indicator of the ability of maintaining personal relationships. I do agree that most relationships do depend on the ability to disclose personal information but males are as capable of such things as women are.

The second model is the alternate paths model. This model differs from the male deficit model by offering that there are alternative yet equal paths to closeness. The first major difference is that it believes that masculinity does not mean that there is an absence of feelings.  The second difference is that it believes that males do experience closeness but in a different way. This model I agree with because it shows that there are different routes to the same approach. This model is more accepting and does not make one gender's ways of communicating and interacting the "right" way of doing so.

The next section discussed the gendered styles of friendship. The first style of friendship is feminine friendship which is defined by closeness in dialogue. The feminine friendship style is a way in which females become friends with others. This style shows that women often share emotional and personal feelings in order to build and enrich friendships. This is a common conception in our society. We are all socialized to see women as emotional beings who talk and must share their feelings in order to become close with someone. 

The next style of friendship is masculine friendship which is characterized by closeness by doing. This friendship style makes doing things a priority over communicating things. Males tend to forma  camaraderie with other males through different activities, usually sports. I can relate to this part but I do not necessarily believe this to be a fact. Many of my best friends have been made through sports. I do feel that I will more likely befriend a person through an activity because it shows that this other person shares a common interest with me. I do feel that it is fair to say that most men do this because I only feel this way because I am an athlete and I have a deep passion for sports and activities.

Overall I was not thrilled with this chapter. I felt that the reasoning behind some of the theories were skewed and biased. Males are seen as this emotionless creatures and females as creatures full of emotion who are incapable of breaking out of cultural molds. I feel that we should be looking at this socialization as an issue that we all are unconscious of and we should take more time to think about how we view other sexes. 

Gendered Lives Ch.7 & 8 Becoming Gendered and Gendered Education

In the first of the two chapters Wood delves into the process of "Becoming Gendered" and what factors influence this. The first factor that is brought up is family. I think that family is the biggest influence on becoming gendered because your parents are the first to expose you to gender and society's expectations of them. Parents provide their sons or daughters with toys that clearly reflect their own views of gender upon them.


Boys are typically given cars and encouraged to play rough outside sports which promotes the competitive and less independent side of them while girls on the other hand, are typically given dolls and encouraged to play house which cultivates them to become more nurturing and more valuing of physical closeness and verbal communication. This distinct patter is just on subtle way in which children are influenced by their parents to become gendered.

Wood also states that through rewards and punishments children also learn which gender roles are acceptable and which are not. I do not remember being rewarded much when I was younger but I do remember my mother rewarding my sisters for doing simple tasks with my mother. This goes right along with Chodrow's theory of boys being encouraged to be achieving and independent and girls being encouraged to become nurturing and relationally oriented.

I was always encouraged to play outside and to do outdoor chores like rake the leaves, take the garbage out, help my uncle mow the lawn etc. This gave me a sort of independent feeling being outside alone in charge of a task. I loved it and that drove me towards wanting more freedom and independence. My sisters were always encouraged to be indoors and help out with chores with my mother and not to play outside like I did. They were never given the same freedoms that I received and were made to do different things because that was my mothers views on gendered roles that she had been socialized into following and she only did what she saw as correct.

In the second chapter Wood begins by discussing the biases and pressures males, females and non gender conforming students face within the education. Males do have more energy and usually do have issues restraining themselves in the classrooms at times but I do disagree that males are at a disadvantage in the classroom setting. Above all, I believe that personal choice and home teachings influence a child's success in school. The statistics that Wood provides to show the gap between female and male success in the classroom is about where I expected it to be. I do agree that on average more women complete high school then men.

Gender non-conforming students face the most pressures and biases of them all. It was very interesting to think about what team a trans-girl should be apart of and how it would feel in either locker room. The gender binary system that we have used is the main problem for all of this. In school curricula women are often represented in a stereotypical way. There are never mentions of the females who fought in the wars or women who contributed and assisted to the success of the armies. This gender stereotyped curricula causes students to miss out on crucial parts of our history. Not only are females misrepresented and unrepresented at times, also are all minority groups. In most classes that I have taken prior to college, has mainly been about heterosexual, wealthy white males. At one point when I was very young, I even questioned if any other group of people have done anything worthwhile because I was only taught about the triumphs of the economically advantaged while male.

The last section discussed the disparities in salaries, promotion opportunities and job positions. There is a clear discrimination against women in the workforce as it is shown through the wage gap.(Women make 83 cents to every dollar a man makes.)  This lack of equality in pay for the same duties being performed is outrageous. I'm not sure how the employers of the US can look at themselves as rational human beings.


Discussion Questions:


Why is it taking so long for the wage gap to level out, if there has been an increase in women in the workforce and other laws for women's equality?

Do you thing that transgender students should have their own bathrooms/locker rooms? Should there be gender-less bathrooms?

Do you believe that parents will ever stop influencing a child's gender after birth?

Gendered Lives Chapter 6 -Forms of Gendered Nonverbal Communication

In this chapter Wood outlines the different functions and forms of nonverbal communication. She begins with the 3 main functions that nonverbal communication serves. The three main functions of a nonverbal communication are to supplement verbal communication, regulate interaction and to establish the relationship of meaning.


Nonverbal communication supplements verbal communication in 5 different ways: repeating, contradicting, complementing, replacing and accenting phrases. When you point to something and say what it is that is an example of repeating, which furthers the point you are making. When you say that you are feeling okay but you are doubled over that is how we regularly contradict a verbal message.Giving stern looks or smiles while making statements lets the receiver complements what you are saying to give it a more definite meaning.  Replacing words like "yes" with a nod and "I don't know" with a shrug are common ways we replace verbal messages with nonverbal communication. Lastly when we accentuate a word in a phrase it gives the statement a completely different meaning.
On a daily basis we use nonverbal communication both intentionally and unintentionally to regulate communication. We do this through facial expressions, eye contact and body movements. These things can indicate our disinterest in a conversation, desire to speak, or to signal the conclusion of a statement. Men and women indicate these desires differently. We establish the relationships through communicators through three dimensions of expression. Showing attentiveness through solid eye contact, nodding, attentive body posture are ways that we can show our responsiveness, which is the first dimension of relationship level meaning. The second dimension is liking. We express this through different things like touching, standing close and vocal warmth. These expressions show a liking or acceptance for someone. The last dimension is power or control. Men exert power and control through their voice and the space they take up. Women are less likely to exert these same things as forcefully as men.


Next, Wood goes on to explain the six forms of nonverbal communication.

The first form of nonverbal communication is artifacts. These artifacts are personal objects that expresses identity and influences how we see ourselves and how we want others to view us. These artifacts are things such as toy cars for young boys and dolls for young girls. For adults clothing is an important artifact that signifies what gender we would like to be called, what socioeconomic status we would like to identify with, what group we would like to identify with and so on and so forth. Artifacts are extremely important to human identification.

The second form of nonverbal communication is proximity and personal space. Men and women both operate differently with space. Women tend to take up less space and make them selves smaller whilst men do the opposite by taking up more space make themselves seem larger. Also the notion of power is correlated with space and can be seen through the sizes of office space. More important executives for the most part, have larger offices while secretaries who are less valuable and can be easily replaced usually have a significantly smaller allotment of space.

The third form of nonverbal communication is haptics. From a young age, boys are socialized to associate haptics, or touch, with control and power while girls are socialized to associate haptics with nurturing and nurturing. This explains that men why men, who are generally larger than women , tend to be more willing to use physical force  in a more controlling manner.

The fourth form of nonverbal  communication is kinesics. Kinesics are movements of the face and body. This includes the facial expression a person gives and the body movements a person utilizes. Males are less likely to use facial expressions during conversation while women are more likely to.

The fifth form of nonverbal communication is paralanguage. This consists of all of the different vocal cues a person uses during conversation. Men and women both are socialized to use different paralinguistic systems. There are some emotions that causes for different paralinguistic cues. But we should ask why does our society associate certain different paralanguage with gender? What would our society be without social norms? Would that eliminate the divide between the rights of men and women?

The last form of nonverbal communication is physical appearance. We are influenced now more than ever by media. The media that we are exposed to directly affects how we feel toward certain things. Because the only thing men and women see on TV is fit, muscular people, we tend to feel that we should make ourselves look like that. That is seen as the ideal body type and in order to feel attractive , we should look like that. Typically women more than men, tend to allow issues with their appearance affect their self esteem.


In conclusion, Wood summarizes the approaches to nonverbal communication and provides information to allow readers to critically analyze the patterns of socialized gender in nonverbal communication. I found myself thinking about the ways in which I perform gender and how I see others perform it as well. It is important to note how everything that people do is socialized. We are all so interwoven into this system that controls our train of thought.